I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
