Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
