Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
