i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
