On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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