i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
