I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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