just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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