Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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