it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize