Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
