I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
someone get that fucking seahorse.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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