man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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