is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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