If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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