you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
