I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
