Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
