i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
