My sheets look like a crime scene.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
