dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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