420 ftw
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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