This girl is more easily done than said...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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