She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
