I met the friendliest cop last night
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
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