And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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