Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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