am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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