I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
