i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
