The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
