Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
