Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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