Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Porn is love you can see.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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