I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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