True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
