Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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