I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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