Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
