i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize