Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
