When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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