Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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