He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
