so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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