then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
