If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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