Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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