But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
