my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
