In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
