so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
