I could have mohawked her pubes.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
