I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
tell me about the eggs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
