I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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