youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
