haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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