Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize