next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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