Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
