Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
