Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
