I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
