Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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