He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
