Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize