I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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