i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
