Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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