So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
