the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize