You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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