I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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