my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
