I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
