my room smells like sperm. sweet.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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