Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He kissed a someone with a penis
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
