i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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