i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
