"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
