yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
