I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
