We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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