take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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