If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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