you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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