Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize