I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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