make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
