Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
