I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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