I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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