genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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