i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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