Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
