I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
