I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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