i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You dont lie about slip and slides
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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